Name: 最佳笑話 | Jimmy O. Yang：好交易 | Prime Video (Best Jokes | Jimmy O. Yang: Good Deal | Prime Video)
Uploaded: 2024-05-29T11:14:00.000Z
Duration: 8 min 18 s

情態助動詞 A2

Everybody should have average dick until proven guilty.

在被證明有罪之前，每個人都應該有平均的 "小弟弟"。

I don't care how tall you are, what ethnicity you are, how big your hands are, everybody should start at average dick, eight inches.

我不管你有多高，什麼種族，手有多大，每個人都應該從平均雞巴開始，八英寸。

I see a lot of people out here in the streets.

They want to come up to me, but they're not really sure.

他們想過來找我，但又不太確定。

There's a lot of debate amongst their friends.

They're like, hey man, are you sure that's him?

他們說，嘿，夥計，你確定是他嗎？

如果我們去那裡，一定要確保萬無一失。

Because if we go up there and it's not him, we're gonna look super racist.

因為如果我們上去的不是他，我們就會顯得超級種族歧視。

I don't know, it looks kind of like Ali Wong, I don't know.

我不知道，看起來有點像阿里-王，我不知道。

I gotta give every Uber driver a five-star rating just so I can be a good representative.

我得給每個 Uber 司機五星好評，這樣我才能成為一個好代表。

無論我走到哪裡，我都要代表自己。

After I hooked up with this one girl, this is what she said to me.

在我勾搭上這個女孩之後，她是這樣對我說的。

She was like, Jimmy, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're the first Asian guy I've ever been with.

她說，吉米，我不知道該怎麼跟你說 你是我交往過的第一個亞洲男人

This one girl said this shit that was so disrespectful.

這個女孩說的這些話太不尊重人了。

This is what she said to me after we hooked up.

這是她在我們勾搭上之後對我說的話。

She was like, Jimmy, I'm just glad the stereotype's not true.

她說，吉米，我很高興這種刻板印象不是真的。

And I'm like, bitch, you understand, you just insulted my entire race of people.

我就說，賤人，你知道嗎，你剛剛侮辱了我的整個種族。

People are just gonna exoticize us, that's fine.

人們會把我們異國化，沒關係。

Whenever somebody asks me to do something I don't wanna do,

每當有人要求我做一些我不想做的事時、

I just make up a fake Chinese holiday now.

我現在就編一個假的中國節日。

It's like, hey, Jimmy, can you help me move next Monday?

就像，嘿，吉米，下週一你能幫我搬家嗎？

That's the Dragon Boat, life of the party.

That's the Dragon Boat, lychee boba festival, dog.

那是端午節，荔枝粑粑節，狗狗。

My grandfather died for that shit, you understand?

我爺爺就是為那玩意兒死的，你明白嗎？

And if people was gonna assume that I don't speak English, that's fine.

如果人們認為我不會說英語，那也沒關係。

That's what I do now when I get pulled over by the cops.

現在當我被警察攔下時，我就會這麼做。

Last time I got pulled over, the cop was knocking on my window.

上次我被攔下時，警察正在敲我的車窗。

He's like, sir, you do understand you can't make a right turn here.

他說，先生，你知道這裡不能右轉吧。

It says right there in the sign, you can't make a right turn.

So I just looked up at him, I was like, oh.

I'm sorry, but the English is not very good, so I cannot read the sign.

對不起，我的英語不好，看不懂標語。

He was like, sir, the sign is not in English.

他說，先生，這個標誌不是用英語寫的。

But do you know today is the Dragon Ball light chip.

但你知道今天是龍珠光芯片的日子嗎？

I was still using Tinder up until like a year ago.

But now I realize I got a whole new set of issues on Tinder.

但現在我意識到，我在 Tinder 上遇到了全新的問題。

Like now when I do match with a girl, she doesn't believe that it's me.

就像現在，當我和一個女孩配對時，她不相信那是我。

You're not that guy from this thing and that thing.

I'm like, who the fuck is using me as a fake profile?

我就想，誰他媽在用我做假檔案？

Feel like there's so many better choices out there.

One time my agent told me that I had a good look.

有一次，我的經紀人告訴我，我長得很好看。

And I'm like, thanks, dude, I appreciate that.

我就說，謝謝，老兄，我很感激。

But then it took me years to realize that having a good look is totally different than being good looking.

但後來我花了很多年才意識到，擁有好的外表和長得好看是完全不同的。

I still don't know what the fuck it means.

我還是不知道這到底是什麼意思。

I've been dating a lot of tall girls lately because it makes me look successful.

我最近和很多高個子女孩約會，因為這讓我看起來很成功。

I think tall women are beautiful, but some of them like to wear heels.

我認為高個子女性很美，但有些女性喜歡穿高跟鞋。

Like, you're already five inches taller than me.

比如，你已經比我高五英寸了。

And she's like, it makes my ass look better.

她就說，這樣我的屁股就好看多了。

I'm like, your ass is at my eye level right now.

我想，你的屁股現在就在我的視線範圍內。

I look like a child and you look like a child molester.

我看起來像個孩子，而你看起來像個兒童性騷擾者。

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah.

是啊，是啊，是啊，嗯，嗯，嗯，嗯，是啊。

And now I'm telling dick jokes and doing Tai Chi on stage, so.

現在我在舞臺上講雞巴笑話、打太極，所以。

I was like, dad, why'd you name yourself Richard?

我當時想，爸爸，你為什麼給自己起名叫理查德？

My dad would take me to every practice, every tournament game, and he always tried to give me a pep talk before every game.

每次訓練、每場比賽，爸爸都會帶我去，每次賽前他都會給我打氣。

But you know Asian parents, they're way too honest.

但你知道亞洲父母，他們太誠實了。

So every pep talk just turned into an insult.

所以，每次鼓舞人心的談話都變成了侮辱。

Like, he would come up to me and be like, Jimmy.

比如，他會走過來對我說，吉米。

吉米，你會打得很好的，好嗎？

After I graduated, I didn't want to do like econ or finance.

畢業後，我不想做經濟或金融之類的工作。

所以我就去找我爸爸，我就說，爸爸、